A Walk with God

As I began my walk at the outdoor labyrinth at a retreat center on this exceptionally warm January morning, I reflected on the last experience.  It was World Labyrinth Day 2018. God had walked with me as I sought a solution to a thorny situation. Should I walk away, risking a $200 down payment and my reputation?  Or should I do nothing and stay? The answer had come quickly on the contemplative, focused stroll.

Almost 2 years later, I was once again walking a labyrinthine maze, seeking balm or a word from God. Losses weighed me down. The death, 3 days earlier, of a somewhat forgotten and troubled brother left me distressed.  Ozzie and I had not kept in touch, not spoken in over 2 years.  We had not quarreled – just lived in different worlds. He was a good and generous man but often managed to get into disastrous conflicts. Now we were planning his funeral.  I regretted how I had judged him for the perceived mistakes he had made.  As I walked I was confronted with the knowledge that I could have been more – more kind, more patience, more present.  The loss was not mine alone to bear. But I was deeply affected.  I lamented not taking the opportunity to offer counsel and support to my brother.  I had left that to his other siblings.

The day after my brother’s death, my Samsung s6 had a meltdown.  Minutes later, 3000 photos accumulated over 4 years of travel and across 11 countries were erased.  And yes, I must be the only person in the world who had not backed anything up on a laptop or external drive. The wireless store salesman, in between selling me on an upgrade, suggested a place on 1st Avenue where the pictures possibly could be recovered for a hefty price.  But that was not an option. I had a funeral to help pay for.  My pragmatic side knew the pictures were secondary, but the loss still stung.  A cherished part of my story was gone.  I was overwhelmed and pensive.  I was living in that head space where more trouble and danger was coming.

What next, God?

A gust of wind rustled nearby branches and lifted a few of the dried leaves on the grass near my path. I stood still in that moment. And as if out of nowhere came the words…Nothing matters but the sustaining love of God. I looked down and my feet had come to the end of the prayer walk.

If only momentary, I felt comforted. Death and loss are part of the journey and will be encountered from time to time.  But I was not alone.

Jesus said “… surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:20

Annemarie Edwards

Published by marblewomen

MarbleChurch.org A group of women from Marble Collegiate Church who come together to be inspired and nurtured in our spiritual growth and to be supported through the challenges of life. Our activities include spiritually-oriented programs, small groups, community involvement, social and recreational events and our annual retreat.

4 thoughts on “A Walk with God

  1. Annemarie’s story was inspiring as we all face choices and decisions and I needed to be reminded we are never alone – God is right there with us.

  2. Annemarie, thank you for sharing your personal story. I was very touched especially by the words, “Nothing matters but the sustaining love of God.” Such powerful words and such truth. May I keep them close as I journey this Lent season. Blessings to you!

  3. Thank you so much for sharing such an intimate and powerfully moving step in your walk with God, Anne Marie.

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